Holly Zero's LiveJournal

JR. PROM 2004 @ GRANITE HIGHSCHOOL ("home of the mighty farmers!):((were gonna do this crystal style!))

-got my hair done around 4 and didnt finish getting it done until after 6.
- couldnt get into my dress for fear of ruining my hair.
-realized u put it on over ur feet anyway.
-Nate came to pick me up. he looked good. he was in his slippers, his shorts, his red worker shirt
that says PLAYBOY photographer on it, and his sublime hat with the spikeys =]
- left to go to dinner with kaycee and nathan
- mmm food.....
- walked into the dance at 730ish and heard an NSYNC song playing... (makes me think...hmm...)
- stayed at the dance just hanging out, got pics taken and they suck.
- walked back into the dance to see all the little white people... LINEDANCING...
- walked out
- went to Dee's (a restaraunt)
- went to Nathan's house and changed into some of his clothes which are waayyy to big for me
- went to fat cats to play pool.
- went crusing state and street racing with some trans-ams or w.e... stupid chris.
- dropped kaycee off and got high...
- went home and went to sleep.

now.
my school has a mascot of a farmer... we are the GRANITE FARMERS. we shouldnt betray ourselves any further and line dance....

...

in other news, i found that crystal recently broke up with her GIRLFRIEND named ali. now
doesnt that make you wonder? i mean, the "i love you like that" and the "i promise no girlfriends"
were a lie. lol, shoulda seen it, shoulda seen it, but watch, your turn will come up to crys, dont
think it wont.

...
holly
 
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: This Love-Maroon 5

Marriage is love.

yeah. im in science. with joey.

...
holl
 
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Dammit-Blink

Save the animals!! Don't eat the animals on Old McDonald's farm!!! Watch this video, it'll make you think twice..: http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/Prefs.asp?video=mym2002

Don't eat the animals...!!
I'm not psychotic, honest.

- Flamingo Holly & Cecilia

P.S. Boycott KFC, FUCK the Kernel!!

i want to talk to rod. and i dont want to fight with him.



i might b moving 2 AZ w. dominic
...


interesting




Holly Rodriguez
 
Current Mood: high
Current Music: ...n ur the only one whose got the cure

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
 
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: # 3 on Atticus

im freezin... my side is KILLING me.... i had quite a weird day today thats for sure. TAYLOR called me =] yay...

if we can just get a few words out,*you* should hear these songs...

"Screaming Infideleties"-Dashboard
"As Lovers Go"-Dashboard
"The New Kid"-Finch
"Waiting"-Finch (("And I will never make the same mistake..."))
"Once Upon My Nighstand"-Finch (("I know that this is all my fault And one day I will get it right But for now I sit here and remind myself
That everything will be okay"))
"Frail"-Finch
"Apologetic Theory"-Finch (("Everything I'm saying is coming out all wrong, Please bear with me I've got so much to say Let me explain myself to you"))

yeah... 1.,4. go out to a different person though.

...
holly?
 
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: "Post Script" - Finch

Do you listen to yourself
Ever live for someone else
Do you like the way you feel
Nothing hurts when no one’s real
She wants to shake this scene
Yeah she wants to shake with me
She’s not looking for the holes in all the lies

I wanna bullet proof your soul
Would you like to lose control
I won’t let you fall until you tell me so

What are we?
(watcha wanna be)
Everything!
That you wanna be
All I need
(right in front of me)
I’ve known before

Chorus:
Would you come my way
Or did you burn out on the way
Would you come my way
Should have listened when you called my name

Yeah she wants to tear you down
And she leaves without a sound
It’s like fallin’ backwards
Into no one’s arms

You’re a bullet through my soul
But I’ll never let you know
I won’t let you fall until you let it go

What are we?
(watcha wanna be)
Everything!
That you wanna be
All I need
(right in front of me)
I’ve known before
Would you come my way
Did you burn out on the way
Would you come my way
Should have listened
When you called my name


Baby’s black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you’re not thinking about tomorrow
’cause you were the same as me
But on your knees

A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb

Comin’ down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone’s prayer

You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What’s the things they never showed you
That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room

Comin’ down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone’s prayer

And there’s no time left for losin’
When you stand they fall

Comin’ down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder

All because i’m
Comin’ down the years turn over
And angels fall without you there
And I’ll go and lead you home and
All because i’m
All because i’m
And I’ll become
What you became to me

so i know this guy in a band called silent i. their sponsered by atticus and their totally straight edge ((((sXe)))). their totally emo. he reminds me of the guy in AAR. he picked me up today at about 945, and we went to go chill at his house. we hung out there for awhile. it was alot of fun, hes a cool guy.
His name is Kevin. he lead sings in his band, he looks alot like someone from an emo group considering thats what they play... really tall, skinny and messy black hair. think of a version of the guy in Thursday or AAR or Thrice. hes 20. he has a 2 1/2 year old daughter named Belle. shes so pretty. she doesnt live with him (((i asked him why she didnt and he sed "look around, if u were a 2 year old girl would u want to live here??))) his room mate is 22 his name is Cole. hes pretty cool as well.
we were laying around and talking and hes pretty smart, he studied anatomy at Utah State University.
on the way back to my house we had a cool conversation in which he told me 2 of the coolest yet most intriguing quotes ive ever heard....

"Love changes everytime we fall in it"
and
"Dont get your body into something you cant get your mind out of"

...
think about it


...
holly?
 
Current Mood: indescribable

blinkubus says:
i g2g now, i got asked out on a date by an italian guy. lol he wants to take me to a movie then to his house to meet his family, im kinda scared
4607 If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? says:
you should be.
blinkubus says:
i know.
4607 If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? says:
you do know that's italian for gangbang
blinkubus says:
LMFAO
4607 If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? says:
its true



lol!

...
holly
 
Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: adams song

19 marks up walls...
each year one short falls
 
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: 2 on atticus

...
so let me pardon myself for "overexaggerating"

*excuse me* for making ROD look like an ASSHOLE. after all.. hes not and asshole right? i mean, except for the fact that hes trying to get with crystal...mm...and rubbing it in my face every chance he gets.
and he has an "OLD FRIEND" who tells him all sorts of things. like, my journal link for instance?
and he has a messege for taylor. *taylor, please stop talking "shit" about rod. he doesnt know you. you dont know him. after all i am the fuck up here remember?*
but wait a second.
this is my journal isnt it?
so im allowed to say what i want when i want, what the fuck do i care? i DONT care. im in UTAH what the fuck are you gonna do, call me every day and cuss me out? ur a sarcastic little kid you know that? STOP calling me if your gonna be such a DICK over the phone. your games are old, let this shit go and FUCKING forget about me. jesus. just leave it all alone. just... leave it be.

.....
sam and jimmy are in the bedroom. they just met today.

yuck

.....
holly?
 
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: im lost without you-blink182

okay. holy shit.
im sitting here, on the computer, at 230 in the morning, talking to jose and jordan. all of a sudden my house SHAKES theres this loud BOOM and the windows all shook and the glass door practically came out of its hinges. i screamed like a little bitch and ducked under my table
after a minute we decided that it could have been caused by a tree that fell that got to heavy from all the snow and it hit our roof. so we walked outside to check it out and we couldnt see anything and we looked and looked and our house looked normal so we walked out front and we realized the house behind us and over 2 was ablaze. it had blown up. oh jeez. that scared the piss outta me. *SIGH*

anyway...

im talking to Patrick right now... well.. was.

i came clean to randy.
i came clean to rod.

one forgave. one didnt. one said we can move past it and be friends. one said i wasnt worth his time. one was calm. one was raging. i dont think these two could be any more different.

...
holly??
 
Current Mood: shocked

its so great to have a journal online where 10s of thousands of people could read it (except the fact that none of them know me, well, but the few). you can dedicate a song to the one person youd never be able to and give them the site and they could read the song and the dedication, only, the dedication doesnt have to have the name (much like the dedication below). i know the person i dedicate this song to will read this, only, they dont know...
so this song goes to the person i cant name but should. only. for some reason i respect him enough not to name him.
*ahem*


This Ride Lyrics


it says hold on and take this ride
and set aside
memories of all the times
when you collide
then you'll leave me here to die
heres the things i meant
but never said

it says sit back and take the time
to lose your mind
and find out what its like to die
so wheres my spine
when its time to give an obvious and simple reason why
i wont write again

what do you see
when you look at me
do you take me for a fool

so what makes you play this game
with results always the same
and nothing but bad reputations to gain
it speaks to me like all is fine
and i could cry
from all the bends and breaks that i
took this time
when happieness is based on lies
its so hard its too hard to tell the truth

what do you see
when you look at me
do you take me for a fool
this fool is through

this fool is through
this fool is through

what do you see
when you look at me
do you take me for a fool

what do you see
when you look at me
do you take me for a fool

it says hold on and take this ride
and set aside
memories of all the times
when you collide
then you'll leave me here to die
heres the things i meant
but never said


i watched American History X this morning at 2. it was supposed to make my cousin and i fall asleep. she fell asleep but i got stuck with my insomnia and watched the rest of the movie. its an awesome movie.
its about a neo-nazi who kills 2 black kids and goes to jail and his little brother (EDWARD FURLONG (oh god hes so fucking hot!)) gets into neo-nazism and when his brother gets out he tries to turn the younger guy away from the skin head clan they were in and whatever. its a really good movie i suggest you all see it. 2 thumbs up... beside the disgusting way he kills one of the black guys in the movie its an okay deal. oh and he gets sent to jail and in while hes in jail they... well you can figure it out when u watch it. watch it. please.

...
holly
 
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: the story so far

im just having a bad trip right now. i was just reading up on IgA nephropathy.
IgA nephropathy is a kidney disorder caused by deposits of the protein immunoglobulin A (IgA) inside the glomeruli (filters) within the kidney. These glomeruli (the singular form is glomerulus) normally filter wastes and excess water from the blood and send them to the bladder as urine. The IgA protein prevents this filtering process, leading to blood and protein in the urine and swelling in the hands and feet. If this disorder leads to end-stage renal disease, the patient must go on dialysis or receive a kidney transplant.
Kidney disease usually cannot be cured. Once the tiny filtering units are damaged, they cannot be repaired. Treatment focuses on slowing the progression of the disease and preventing complications. One complication is high blood pressure, which further damages glomeruli. A class of medicines called ACE inhibitors protects kidney function not only by lowering blood pressure but also by reducing the loss of protein into the urine.

Dialysis... Transplant... possiblities of kidney failure. im 17 for chrissake!!! this isnt right. do you know what it is to live with this everyday of your life? what little there may be? i admit, im overly freaking out. but this is the first time ive ever just sat down and allowed myself time to cry about it. im being a little shit about this, i shouldnt be scared but imagine not waking up one day, one day too soon all because of a fucking kidney or two. they say that a transplant will cure it, but a transplant costs so much money! i swore to it all i wouldnt let this win. and i wont. im just so scared... im 17... i dont want to die yet, i just want to live normally. like you, with the petty problems life brings that we can just throw away whenever we want. unfortunatly... i cant. *sigh* but ill bottle it back up. hold it in until i cant bare it anymore... im scared. i dont want this to happen to me. im 17, too young.

...
holly
 
Current Mood: scared
Current Music: #12 off of NFG's Sticks and Stones

dont listen to these songs ever again brandy:

-Suga Suga by that one dude
-So Far Away-Staind
-Heart Shaped Box-Nirvana
-That 3 Doors down song thats all sappy and shit
-Hands Down-Dashboard Confessional
-I Miss You-Incubus
-3 Libras- APC
-Sober-TooL


so the events in this day have been a little off the wall.

so i woke up and i posted this morning like mad early about my fucked up dreams. i went back to sleep and woke up and watched clifford, berenstein bears, and some other show. then i called Sam (my cousin) and asked her to find me a ride to the mall, and with no luck, i ended up taking the bus. so this kid sitting next to me started talking to me and he ended up going to the mall with me. hes gangster-like (why do i attract preppy/gangster white boys??) and we just chilled. i ended up taking him to hot topic and dressing him all goth and all punk and shit to kill time till i had to go. then he took me to the gap and 5/7/9 or w.e and he dressed me preppy! oh god it was bad...
so i left and we didnt exchange numbers cuz he lived far away but while i was waiting for a ride this REALLY HOT GUY came walking up. and he looked at me and i just spazzed i was like "HEY UR REALLY CUTE" and he goes "U TOO. WHATS UR NAME?"and i told him and he told me his name is Colt and hes 19 almost 20 and OH MY GOD *drools* lmfao lip tounge eyebrows twice and nose pierced with blonde short spikey hair and he gave me his number. i dont wanna call him though. i guess it just makes me feel good to know i can get a REALLY HOT GUYS NUMBER by saying " hey your cute"
but then i went to some christmas party and they put something in the eggnog to make it really good and sweet... and then i found out it was alcohol. not cool.
so i went home, and i got online and jose is online. okay jose is my ex from like... the beginning of 9th grade. oh dear thats just a long assed story that we dont feel like getting into. well we ended up breaking up and he didnt talk to me all the rest of 9th, that summer at summer school, 10th or alot of the beginning of 11th. then in the beginning of this year he switched into my science class and i dunno we just sort of talked to each other in class and not much more. now we talk online all the time, like were old friends. its not really about where im at at all. he brings up memories i thought were long since out of his head,and we talk about so much. it feels so weird. he even says he misses me and wants me to go back home... and thats weird. mm lol
neways
merry xmas and stuffs

...
im tired and my belly hurts blah

...

holly
 
Current Mood: sleepy

*yawns*

i just had the most fucked up dreams.
it started out as me, my cousin samantha, and sanmiguel (random huh?) and me and sanmiguel were looking for places to have sex. and then we went outside and the entire outside was flooded and muddy because a frog jumped onto the hose turn-er on-er thingy and it made the entire backyard a swamp so my cousin went outside to fix it and sanmiguel and i walked around inside more and looked for more places to have sex, (we didnt have sex in this dream for some reason)
then i woke up
then i fell back to sleep and started dreaming that me, my cousin (who had some how turned asian), sanmiguel, randy, taylor, and this kid named maurice (hes in my drama class and he has an infatuation with me its scary) and anyway, we were in this baseemnt kind of thing and suddenly there was this huge war raging on and shit, and like, we were on one team and the other team was a team of all these teenagers from like the 1200s and shit, king henry and king richard III were the head dudes of the opposite team and like we were dodging the opposite team and whatever we ended up outside and i had laid down next to this rock thingy to make the people think i was dead. and i had my eyes open for a second and this guy was walking forward and he looked at me and i go to him "Please dont kill me" and he said, "im not" and he just kept walking on.
then sanmiguel pulled out a really big gun and killed the other team then went suicidal and maniacal and killed taylor and randy and maurice and my cousin. then he shot himself and didnt shoot me.
oh i think we had sex in this one. ew.

-->brandy

OH YEAH gaby WHAT HAPPEND WITH THE THING I TOLD U ABOUT?
 
Current Mood: sick
Current Music: Sincerely Me -NFG

Leo Horoscope for Sunday, December 21, 2003
Male Relationship:

Love matters may be put on hold as responsibilities to family and children need to be handled. This could be frustrating for you, as you probably want to continue the rush of passion and intense feeling that you've been enjoying over the past few days, but you can't help it. The prevailing planetary aspect implies that you should make sure that your beloved knows what you're doing. Otherwise there might be some misunderstandings.


=] maybe
 
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Asthenia-Blink182

*thinks*

...
what the hell did i do to him?

*thinks harder*

why did i bother?

*thinks really hard*

im such a fuck nut for believing any of this. what did i do?

*thinks even harder than that*

ouch.

im feeling quite... inadequate right now.

fucking useles and i saw it comming...

maybe theres some weed in my near future
 
Current Mood: rejected
Current Music: Still-Rufio

Again I Go Unnoticed Lyrics



So quiet
another wasted night,
the television steals the conversation
exhale,
another wasted breath,
again it goes unnoticed.

Please tell me you're just feeling tired
cause if it's more than that I feeel that I might break
out of touch, out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
casue I can't read your rolling eyes
out of touch, are we out of time?

Close lipped
another goodnight kiss
is robbed of all it's passion,
your grip
another time, is slack
it leaves me feeling empty.

I'll wait until tomorrow
maybe you'll feel better then
maybe we'll be better then
so what's another day
when I can't bear these nights of thoughts
of going on without you
this mood of yours is temporary
it seems worth the wait
to see your smile again
out of the corner of your eye
wont be the only way you'll look at me then.
 
Current Mood: mellow

dramatically written. i must caution you.

*shakes head* you always do this, and its always apparent that its going to happen.

how did my saturday go?

i woke up this morning and got online to post. after i posted i got offline and went to clean my house with my cousin. i called patrick at... i dont know what time but he told me he was busy and he was going shopping with his mom. i asked what we were doing tonight and he said he didnt know and that hed call me later. so w.e we got off the phone and i took my cousin home. i went to guitar center, and got my new baby (Fender acoustic...brown and sexy) and this guy kevin gave me his number. hes mad cute but i dont want to call him, im sprung, its sad. i told him i was engaged and i dont think he believed me. i wouldnt believe me either though. i mean, i look like a teenage girl. hair braided to the sides under a westcoast choppers hat, Rebel written across my red belly showing shirt, blue jeans and converse. i couldnt look more 17 if i tried. anyway. so i got my guitar and brought it out to the car. took off and went to walmart and used my card on a belly ring for my cousin. took off from there and went to Fashion Place mall (isnt that a fucked up name for a mall?) i went to Hot Topic and got Patrick a Jack from Nightmare before Christmas ring and myself some red hair dye. i took off from there and went to the gas station to get some choc. milk for patrick. came home and waited for him to call and be like "lets go!" and come get me. so while i waited i dyed my hair red.. and it was cool. and the phone never rang, and i think ive listened to about 6 cds. i called him at one point but he wasnt there,,, he was out. and thats fine.
hey
life goes on.
can we say...sellout? i bet this is my Karma coming around for my past actions... what goes around comes around right?right... whatever

in other news...
this morning rod imed me. its the first since our huge fight. i can still tell he hates me, and i understand why, and its okay. but he just imed me to make sure i was okay. i told him about dialysis and he tried not to show he cared. he did a good job of it too by telling me about his new girlfriend. =] its okay though. he imed me. thats all that matters. hopefully this shows that he still cares a little and wants to restart a friendship. but there i go again. my hopes too high...
IRRATIONAL??? most definiately dear juan
life is interesting in the way it seems to be perceived. *sigh* so ill wait for the phone to ring and just hang around like i have no life just to be sure im still in his mind someplace else.
i just wonder if were still engaged.
 
Current Mood: lethargic
Current Music: Screaming Infidelities-Dashboard Confessional